It's not a choice

What bothers me about the “it’s a choice” argument about homosexualty or homosexual “lifestyle” is the lack of empathy and the obvious ignorance on what living “the lifestyle” entails.

For whatever reason, people who make that argument seem to only see homosexuality as a sexual rebellion and a plot to overthrow tradition and social norms. It is as if gays and lesbians are deliberately antagonising the established rules, and not only that, but they enjoy doing it. Yes, we’re all thrilled and pumped up about it. What they don’t see is the painful process of self-doubt, self-hatred, and alienation, and when you’ve come to terms with those yourself, realizing that you will never be “normal”, that no matter where you go, you will never feel completely safe.

Some of us might have forgotten it; for some it might just be remembered as another glitch in the bumpy road to adulthood; but it’s an unmistakable darkness that we have all gone through. Some emerge from it with a few bruises, some with deep wounds, and some never make their way out.

Numerous studies have found a higher suicide attempt rate in gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered teens. Obviously because they’re just too excited about entering a world without sexual limitations, where pissing your parents off is considered to be cool.

I’m not going to say that it’s impossible for heterosexual people to understand what homosexual people have to go through. It’s true, and it’s true about anybody who’s trying to understand someone other than himself. But if you have ever felt like an outsider, if you have ever felt that you have been treated unjustly, or if you have ever been bullied for no reason other than that you’re too short/tall/fat/thin/smart/stupid, then you know what it might be like. And then imagine that mommy and daddy, instead of telling you that you’re beautiful anyway and you should ignore other people, tell you that it’s your choice that you had to go through that. Or maybe you won’t hear that, because you’re so frightened of what they may say and so afraid of losing their love, that you don’t even tell them about it.

If you say that it’s a choice, then either you’re saying that all gay people are sadistic, or you’re making an argument that makes no sense. Because if it’s a choice, then it should be obvious that no one would choose to be an outcast, that no one would deliberately choose to be gay and risk his life, physically, mentally or socially. It’s not fun, and if it’s a choice between life and death, then it’s not really a choice at all.