Why Activists Don’t Get Laid

Otherwise known as an explanation for why I am still single

Activists are great people. Well, duh, I would say so, I am one. People like us work our butt off for the good of the community, so that all you mortals folks out there can kiss your girlfriends and not get arrested. But we activists have a major problem: we are single more often than not, sometimes, more often than all the time.

Clearly, there are reasons for this.

1. Gods Activists like us don't need companionship! We are strong, independent people who are able to survive without support. *thumbs nose*

2. The first thing when two activists get together is start debating. Which is all very nice and all, but it wears our tongues out, severely impairing our performance in bed - who has the energy to lick pussy when it has been wagging all day long? Or worse, the debate is online, and we have worn our fingers out too!

3. It is the second law of nature that no two activists have exactly the same viewpoint. [the first law is that activists don't get laid] Hence, us and our girlfriends/soon-to-be-exes, who are likely to be activists as well, will definitely have a war of words over issues like representational politics, identity formation, and acceptance of minority groups. Who has time to argue about money, roving eyes, and household chores when there are more pertinent issues like these to resolve? Nevermind the fact that after you fight about feelings, you still have a chance to kiss and makeup, something that completely goes out of the window when you reveal your political inclinations.

4. On Friday nights, we don't head to the gay clubs. We go for meetings to frame the bill for gay rights, never mind the fact that everyone else but you get to take advantage of civil unions that come out of this bill, since you've just broken up with your girlfriend over whether this year's Gay Parade should include a radical lesbian feminist group who all insist on wearing Jill Johnston masks.

5. When we see a good-looking girl, the first word that comes out of our mouths isn't, 'Hey there, good-looking', but 'Would you sign my petition?'

6. Assuming that girl was charmed by your passion and spirit, repeat steps 2-5, thumb nose at everyone for a few weeks, lather, rinse. And repeat.

So there.

Pleinelune writes this with her tongue firmly lodged in her cheek, and implores her fellow activists not to bash her, if they happen to be in happy, conflict-free, sex-rich relationships.