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Coming Out… My Way

on . Posted in Humour.

This post is by guest writer Ellen the Generous. It is tongue-in-cheek humour that's not intended as coming out advice, but the writer does hope you have a good laugh over it!

I thought I would share my coming out experience with readers, since I successfully came out to my parents. If the following fails, have a good laugh about it and then go get a better coming out guide. There's one by Sayoni.

Step 1
On the day you’ve decided to make the leap, take your parents out for a great dinner.

Step 2
Choose a day when a movie with a gender-bending/gay/lesbian theme is being screened. Take them to it.

Note 1: Ensure that the movie is still being screened. Buy tickets early!

Step 3a
Attempt to discuss the movie with Mum and Dad ­– if you manage to catch it.

If there was no movie, go to Step 3b.

Step 3b
Bravely start your coming out speech to your parents in the car – or taxi, buses are not a good idea – while you are driving.

Note 2: I suggest saying it in the car because they can't avoid the topic; they are stuck with you and have to listen. The fact that you are the driver (or someone else is, in the case of a taxi) prevents accidents should Mum or Dad go into shock or become hysterical.

Step 4
Start by asking Dad to name your ex-girlfriends.

For example, "Dad, you do notice that I only bring girls home? The first was _______ (With pause here for Dad to fill in her name), the second _______, and…."

Note 3: It’s tough for Dad if you have many ex-girlfriends. This approach may only work for those with three girlfriends or less.

Step 5
Explain to Mum repeatedly that you can marry... but only to a woman, stressing that being lesbian is not about not getting married.

The conversation went like this for me:

“Mum, you do notice I don't have boyfriends but only girlfriends....”

“It's okay if you don't get married...”

“Mum, I'm saying I don't like boys! I only like girls!”

“It's okay. I know of friends or relatives whose daughters also are not married….”

“Mum! I only love WOMEN!”

“It's ok. You and your sister can take care of each other.”

“Mum! I can marry and hope to marry one day but I'll only marry a woman!”

“It's okay if you don't get married.”

“Mum, I'm saying I'm a lesbian! I only love women!”

“It's ok. My friend's five daughters are all not married too.”


Well, you may have better luck than me.

All the best in your coming out journey!

Tags: coming out

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