Because of you, you, you and you

I have been pretty blue of late.
It’s the uncertainties of my career path, being a fresh graduate and all.
My dreams of pursuing post-graduate studies; my desire for self-maintenance… together with the long wait for application results, gave me new anxieties with a measure i have never experienced.

It’s amazing that when you wish to support yourself, the things that push your buttons look different.’ Repairs for a laptop with a faulty cooling system would cost about $100- $200. New eyewear would need another $200. Taking GRE would take another few hundred; not to mention that with each school that you apply for, you would pay USD 100.

And i have yet to be gainfully employed.

So, for weeks, i have been walking around the house a little blue. I became oblivious to many things because my mind has taken on only one track- getting employed. My friends whom i used to talk to, for whom I used to be there for, i have neglected. Partly because of the faulty laptop; partly because i lacked the capacity to be there for them.
“If i cannot get myself out of this, what value does my encouragement hold?”

And so i wallowed in my discontent.’
“Life has to be better than this!”

My girlfriend, the one who gets the blunt of my moodiness, suffered the most. She gave me hugs and kisses; encouraged me that it has only been 6 weeks since i started seeking; tried to remind me once again of where i am really heading; what should be focused on and what should be of secondary concern. It works from time to time. But after a while, i thought,

“Life sucks.”

It was my graduation ceremony that gave me a joint.
My mood was in the dumps and i barely took notice of its approach and certainly did not exhibit any excitement over it.
But my household stirred.
My mother went out and bought a formal blouse with silver thread and blue floral prints.
My little sister prepared a graduation gift and skipped school to attend the ceremony.
My father asked me if he should prepare a suit. (!!!)
My girlfriend took the entire day off, brought flowers and a plush.’
My family made time despite having to return to work (mum and dad) and school (sister) after the ceremony. And the venues of these places are all located at the other side of the island.

One of my local straight friends… didn’t have any family members with her at her graduation…
And that was when i realized that i have a lot more going for me… than i previously thought…
It matters little that i am waiting a long time for my future directions to be more concrete.
What truly matters is that i have a supportive family (and my girlfriend, who’s part of this family)… who loves me through it all.

“I will be okay…
Because of you, you, you and you.”