Note: This is a edited version of the entry I wrote in my own blog long time ago, in response to a meme started by Mercermachine
I'm that girl. Yes, that girl, whom at 8, felt older than the rest of the world. I'm that girl who climbed trees and played soccer and cricket with the boys, yet loved her Barbie Dolls. I'm that girl who was always on the outside, no matter where she went.
I'm that girl who is always so resistant to change, yet when it actually happens, she adapts like a chameleon. I'm that girl who played alone in the playground of her new flat, because she didn't know anyone in this new country. I'm that girl who made a hobby of going up and down in the elevators of HDB blocks, because it was all so new to her.
I'm that girl who then grew up and fell in love with you. I was the one who would make all kinds of excuses to be with you, even though she didn't know why. I'm that girl who thought you were beautiful even when you were drenched, exhausted, and had a pimple on your nose.
I'm that girl, who told you her love by the seaside, waves lapping up on the shore of Sentosa, knowing you could never reciprocate. I was the girl who then watched you walk away from me, after you most politely rejected me because. I was a girl.
I'm that girl, who said no because she didn't want to break your heart with the pain of distance. I'm that girl who still loves you from afar.
I am the girl now, who watches your every move now, every facial expression and gesture. I am the girl who flushes every single time you speak to me. I am that girl, who gets irrationally jealous when others get near you, boy or girl.
I'm that girl, who lost your friendship when I told you I was bisexual. I'm the one, who loves men and women, but presents only one side to the world for the fear of losing more of you.
I’m that girl who is politely cast out of the community because she refuses to conform to any label. I’m that girl who has to ignore her own heritage in order to function anywhere.
I’m that girl, who has everything and nothing at the same time. I’m that girl, who is always caught between two conflicting worlds, and can find no way to heal the rift.
Yeah, I'm that girl. So who are you?
Comments
uan said,
March 15, 2006 at 8:21 pm
i read this entry and then went on reading the original.
this touched me very much because the things that were mentioned in this entry felt so familiar to me.
looking at the self-inflicted scars on my arm now, i ‘m shocked, surprised and somehow happy… to know that somebody in this world actually went through the same stuff as me.
i guess. i ‘m not alone.
all the best.
pleinelune said,
March 15, 2006 at 11:52 pm
You are not alone, dear… never. If you want someone to talk/vent to, feel free to drop me an email or PM me on the forum. Or drop by the “Emotional Health” forum… we are always there to listen.
http://forum.sayoni.com/
waterbaby said,
July 3, 2006 at 2:50 am
read the posting and really felt that its talking about myself.. i find myself nodding to every line. it strikes a cord deep inside my heart and soul..
having to go through life hiding half a part of who you are is not an easy thing.. its hard to show the world the ‘whole’ me cos i am a coward, too concerned about other’s view of me.. too scared to let others see who i am completely..
tried to find the original blog, but can’t find it. would really like to read it. where do i find it?
really would like to read more of your postings.. keep up the good work!!
pleinelune said,
July 3, 2006 at 10:52 am
Waterbaby, the original blog has been removed because I feel it is too personal for public viewing. You are free to read my other posts here, btw.
http://blog.sayoni.com/author/pleinelune/
waterbaby said,
July 4, 2006 at 5:01 pm
hi pleinelune,
i have already read nearly all your postings under your name. i just found this website the other night and stayed up till 4 am reading it. i find all the discussions really enlightening. at least now i know there is a world new world out there where i am not a weirdo.. i think the first step for me is acceptance of the fact that i am not entirely ‘normal’. and the coming phases will be to define myself & my place in this mixed up world..
i am so happy to find this website as i think it will help me tremendously on my path to self-discovery..
and i will definitely join ur forum, but how do i sign up?
treefrog said,
July 4, 2006 at 11:07 pm
Hi waterbaby,
Go to the Forum page (link above by Pleinelune)
Right under the banner, click on REGISTER
Read thru the Registration Agreement Terms and choose one of the 3 links below it.
You will come to a profile page.
Create your profile for the forum and you are done.
You will need your ID and password to log in from here on.
http://stories4hotbloodedlesbians.com
We are the girls who can be sisters to one another. We are the girls that strive to stand tall and live bravely. We are the girls that are victims of corrective rape and honour killings. We are the girls that march for our rights and the rights of others.
We are the girls, who look back, and then look forward.
http://stories4hotbloodedlesbians.com
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