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Once I’ve loved

on . Posted in Relationships.

For those who are big on jazz/bossa nova, you are right, I got the title from a song. Not just that, but I thought the title appropriate to what I would like to share.

Recently I fell for someone, of course nothing went according to what I had wished. Through the months I realised we probably aren’t compatible. Not just the fact she’s attached, but well, I probably liked her because I was feeling down. Nevertheless I met up with her not too long ago and that feeling came back again, but I halted it.

People are mostly frivolous and rather cheap in a sense. Well, I think at least I am. I had a relationship not too long ago, oh well maybe that was eight months ago. I did not treasure it in the beginning, but we improved a lot and I thought it was going the distance. Due to unforseen circumstances we had to part. After which I had all the symptoms of a break-up, feeling empty and well, had a rebound. Like I said I didn’t do anything about the rebound because she’s attached.

My ex knew about the rebound, she was angry at first. But she calmed down and ended up encouraging me. I knew it wasn’t out of vindictiveness. She told me she couldn’t guarantee me anything so why should she be angry?

Since our break up, she had been supportive, encouraging me all the way with whatever stage of life I am going through. I still remembered the time I bought my new flat, I brought her into my new home for the first time. The moment I closed the door and turned around, she was gone. I went to my bedroom and saw her standing there looking happy for me. I would speak in an alien language to her and she would reply in the same way. We communicated through the emotional tones in our voices everytime we spoke like that. It was funny. We would dance ourselves till we are tired in my room too. We did not have to see each other everyday. There was freedom and we could be ourselves as individuals.

Of course all those aren’t the only things that made me happy. Not that I am very sad having lost a great relationship, because I am really used to being single now.

We still talk quite a fair bit, I try to wish her good morning and night everyday. I wondered to myself, perhaps this is it. I’ll never love like this again. I guess I would wait for her, even though I might end up with nothing in the end.

It is silly probably. Who knows, a year from now we might not even speak anymore.


# xSpert 2010-02-02 03:10

xSpert said,

June 1, 2006 at 8:05 pm

” Who knows, a year from now we might not even speak anymore. ”

Why???? In my experiance people that was close before, feel much closely conected later, better understands how they feel…….. You need to let them have their own space, but allways be there for them…….. At least that’s something what you can easily do………..
# pleinelunee 2010-02-02 03:10

pleinelune said,

June 2, 2006 at 9:38 am

Ah yes, the deep, intimate but sexless relationship with an ex. So very lesbian. ;)
# xSpert 2010-02-02 03:10

xSpert said,

June 6, 2006 at 4:39 pm

That’s “lesbian”??? Never saw this in that perspective! No, I still think that’s REALY good friends……. know each other, so there’s no need to pretend to be someone else……….
# Flowers 2010-02-02 03:11

Flowers said,

September 18, 2006 at 10:22 am

Throughout history the ruling species bestowed favor upon people or cursed their bloodline into a pattern of disfavor for many generations to come. Now in the 21st century people must take it upon themselves to try to correct their family’s problems, undoing centuries worth of abuse and neglect.
Do your research. Appeal to the royalty of your forefathers for help. They are all still alive, for royalty has great favor, and your appeals will be heard. Obtain a sufficent list for some may not want to assist you; perhaps some of your family’s problems are internal.
Ask them for help, request guidance, for somewhere in your family hisotry one of your forefathers created an offense that cast your family into this pattern of disfavor. I suspect they will offer you clues, and when you decipher these clues go to those whom consider you an enemy and beg for foregiveness:::Find a path to an empithetic ear among your enemies and try to make amends.
Again through discovery obtain a respectable list in case some among them refuse to help.
Don’t forget to ask for foregiveness from the throne, the Counsel and the Management Team, for the source of all disfavor began with them:::they pushed your forefather into his offense and madee his decendants evil. Perhaps they didin’t like him or maybe your family was among those who had to pay for the entire village. We see this type of behavior today as they single out a family memeber to pay for the whole family and how they singled out Africa to pay for the human race.
Heal the disfavor with your enemies and with the Counsel/Management Team/ruling species, for the source of all disfavor began with them, ability to respect in spite of the experience being the final test of the disfavored before they ascend.

So don’t fall for it.
Many think different things. They think they are clones but if you didn’t experience that one week it goes from fertilized egg to full-grown adult then you are not a clone.
If you didin’t experience that week of conditioning they give to (evil) clones then you are not a clone.
“Heaven” is an elite place, and throughout history they pick and chose who they want and leave the rest behind to rot and die.
And the ball keeps rolling.
Don’t expect you are a clone. They sent people warnings in the 20th cnetury that life would change, and they subsequenlty began to alter people’s DNA, make them gargantuan, do behavioral issues like trans, etc.
It was present before but not among the peasantry.
Don’t believe any claims like wholesale replacement of the real for clones here on earth. This is not realistic.
They don’t want everybody.
The 20th century initiated the Age of the Disfavored, where the Counsel/Management Team do their very best to trip people up and cost them their chance, and they’ll tell them anything to accomplish this.
If you want to go to heaven you have to be good.

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