“She just turned straight.”
“She was straight… but now she’s with so-and-so…”

I think it’s high time we differentiate sexual gratification from sexual attraction. With all the muddle over sexual orientation and its pervasive inaccurate conclusions, surely we need to know what we really mean when we use words like “gay” and “straight”?

In the “ideal” world, people get attached to those they find physically attracted to. In the “ideal” world, people are sexually satisfied/gratified with someone they find physically attractive. Very ideal… But it doesn’t always happen that way.

Sexual gratification… is just a fulfillment of your sex drive.
We have all heard of sex drives. Those who say they don’t have it are either asexual, occupied/distracted/physically unwell or in huge denial. Sometimes people “self-help” by masturbation. Sometimes people use toys in their sexual activities with themselves or others. Sometimes people just have sex with other people. And then they become sexually gratified.

No one has ever come up with a sexual orientation for those who have sex with toys. Like, “oh, you sleep with your toys? You are toy-sexual” or “touching yourself makes you narcissist-sexual”.

So why is it that a woman who slept with a man is labeled “straight” automatically?
Why do we brand women who slept with other women as “gay” immediately?

What if she’s just “using” him/her for sexual gratification?

I think lots of people just settle for sexual gratification.
Like folks who tell me that partners who look too good give them insecurity. [Well lady/dude, if you looking good doesn't give her/him insecurity, what does that tell you about you?]
Plenty of people say it’s more important to find someone you can “click” with than having a good-looking face. So there, emotional attraction is prized above physical attraction. Since sexual orientation is about physical attractiveness, i would hesitate to label a woman who receives sexual gratification from another woman she didn’t find physically attractive as “lesbian”.

Maybe that’s one of the reasons why people make love in the dark.

Maybe some people are not bi-curious or exploring their sexual orientation. Perhaps they are just interested in a wide array of sexual gratification methods/activities…

In your love-drunken stupor (which you are stuck in), you linger on your partner of several months…

… She’s altogether lovely, a goddess from the heavens… Sweet, loving, intelligent, possessing a zest for life… You think she’s the most beautiful girl you have ever seen. She’s everything you ever hoped for… your dream come true.

And then you look at yourself…

… “Blah! I am too chubby over here, my hair doesn’t look great… my career is not having the break through that I hoped for… Not good-looking enough, not successful sufficiently… I think I suck.”

 

This begins a column on Relationships by moonflower.

Enters Lav, a masculine lesbian student in her twenties. Lav and her girlfriend had been together for a few months when she decided to tell her of her sexual past. Lav had a relationship, on and off, with a married man many years her senior. The relationship was a one-way sexual affair and never proceeded to intercourse. Lav had decided to break away from this clandestine relationship and was successfully faithful with her girlfriend. Lav’s girlfriend received the news with disbelief and the relationship descended rapidly into disintegration.

Is honesty always the best policy?

What should we come clean about?
What should be left buried six feet under?

In considering these questions, “consequences” is the word. If the issue is discussed or remains untold, can this issue directly or indirectly affect you or your partner adversely in time to come?

Some issues are best laid on the table. Presenting your children as your niece or nephew is a big no-no. Concealing health problems such as your doctor’s report telling you that you are likely to be dead in 10 years, a nearing two-year stint in another continent, or a psychopath-ex on your tracks with near death escapes for weeks… would be irresponsible to say the least.

This guest article was written by ebelle

I haven’t been entirely single in over 12 years.

This is the first time that a relationship has ended for me without another one looming in the distance. When the full impact of my newfound singlehood finally hit me 6 weeks after our breakup, I was devastated and lost. However, now that I have finally accepted the fact that we are not going to be getting back together, a whole new world of possibilities has opened up.

So, what is so great about being single?

From www.dictionary.com

single /?s??g?l/ Pronunciation Key – Show Spelled Pronunciation[sing-guhl]

4.	unmarried: a single man.

5.	pertaining to the unmarried state: the single life.

It’s not such a bad thing being single, because it simply means I’m not married. I’m not alone, because there are many other single people out there. Or are there?

With the vast amounts of dating websites available on the market, I found myself venturing onto websites such as Fridae and Sayoni Forums to make more friends. The objective was to keep myself occupied after the failure of my relationship and at the same time, find out more about the local lesbian dating scene.