I say tomayto, you say tomahto…

http://www.usfca.edu/counseling_center/groups.html

So… I’m standing in the rain, on the grass. At a political rally. Me, the epitome of political apathy. I’m here only because my girlfriend wanted to come, and she almost begged me to come with her. So I gave in. So, I’m here, wondering “What am I doing here?! Is this what it means to be a couple?” You see, we have vastly differing political views. In fact, I don’t even care about politics, whereas my girlfriend is the sort who feels such a high from the electric atmosphere at political rallies. That is just one of our many differences.

Another difference is the way in which we communicate. To me, every little word that is uttered provides its own little nuance, whereas she listens to the whole story and only remembers the summary of the main points. Believe me, this has caused countless arguments between us. From the same message, both of us can draw two conclusions. Actually this issue about communication causes the most problems. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to say that relationships don’t have conflicts. It is perfectly fine for two people in a relationship to sometimes disagree or fight. But this idea in itself was a paradigm shift for me!

In my past relationships I always thought that conflict was bad. The moment you start to argue, it means that the relationship is doomed. Both parties are not allowed to disagree or have differences. I thought that the two people have to become carbon copies of each other. But now, I have learnt that conflict is natural. Two people, even if they were twins, won’t think and act exactly alike. And this is one of the concepts I have learnt in this past year of being with my girlfriend. Step One, as I’ve learnt, is that you can’t eliminate differences; in fact, you wouldn’t want to be with someone who was exactly like you.

Well, now I am somewhere around Step Two: The important thing is How You Deal With The Differences. In the past year, I’ve also learnt the phrase “Agree to Disagree”. I’m at the stage of learning to be gracious and accepting of the differences between us. Yes we still disagree about things, we still have many misunderstandings and arguments, but I’m learning to remind myself during the fights, that the overarching principle is that we still do love each other. We are still two people in a partnership with each other. Yes, we may fight each other in the small battles, but in the overall war, we are still on the same team.

And this is a lesson I’m learning over and over again in different ways, each time we have a fight. But from the start, my dear girlfriend taught me her motto: “Conflict is also a form of communication. It is how you resolve the conflict that is important. It is when you stop talking to resolve the conflicts that is the danger. And it is when you stop communicating with each other that the relationship really dies.”

Well, that is her philosophy. Mine is more simple: “You always manage to find ways to annoy me… but somehow I still love you.