To Date or not to date?

It has been quite a long time since I wrote on Sayoni. During my absence here, I completed a screenplay and worked hard at my new job. Though I spent many hours writing after work and halted my social life, I did not feel the urge to ask anyone out when I finished the long script. Despite the loneliness, I preferred to spend time alone, going to the movies and gym.

So here I thought, these outings alone were great training for the years to come if I should end up alone. Anyway, I am alone and I have no urge or whatsoever to date anybody.

I preferred to do other things, thoughts of dating or being attracted to anyone isn’t on my list at all. Thus on Singapore’s national day I was excited, not because I spent my country’s 41st birthday alone, but because in the morning of August 9, I found myself on the plane heading to Saigon.

I had always been fascinated by Saigon, for her charm and of course, the beautiful Vietnamese girls featured in movies like “Good Morning Vietnam” and “The Quiet American”. I didn’t get to see any on my trip, or think that anybody would fancy me in Vietnam, till I went for a massage on my last evening there.

My masseuse, an eighteen year-old girl with similar beady eyes as me, smiled and came close to me so we could compare the sizes of our eyes. And she asked if I had a boyfriend. I said no and thought that was that. Then she proceeded to ask if I had a girlfriend. I furrowed my brows a little, surprised with the question, before answering no.

She went on with a couple of other questions like where I stayed and when I was leaving, before saying she liked me. We could not communicate much after that due to our extremely limited vocubulary in each others’ language. But she kept smiling at me.

After I left the spa, I felt a little happy. It did not dawn on me at all that I could actually attract anyone in Saigon. For a moment I wished I could stay longer and have a chance to date a foreigner while learning Vietnamese at the same time. But what about the age gap? I am 12 years older than she.

I discussed this over a beer with a friend, who was moralising over dating younger people, people who at least have a 12-15 years age gap from us. She said she would feel bad about it, knowing that such relationships are based on needs more than wants. And it probably wouldn’t last. Jokingly I told her to wait till she is in her 40s, then the people she wants to date who are more than 12 years younger would at least be mature enough, at least 25 years and above.

She asked me if I had a problem of being attracted to sweet young things? I said no, because I am usually bored by undeveloped minds. Unless they are prematurely matured I guess. But yet I wouldn’t mind going out with a foreigner. I pondered over my morality and double standards in the treatment of Singaporeans and foreigners.

So why wouldn’t I mind dating a Vietnamese girl who is 12 years younger than me in a foreign land? I really can’t explain, except that we both might know it is nothing serious except a fling. Moreover the language barrier might prevent deeper involvement. Though I would definitely still treat her with respect and care for her.

But as my friend said, shouldn’t people my age, someone in the 30-40 bracket, be finding someone for life?

I am a little ashamed to not have any relationships lasting more than 3 years. Not that I don’t want to, but because it just didn’t work. What would I do when I grow older? My friend is worried about having issues when we age. For me, I am afraid I might develop weird habits while she is worried she will be a prey to young undeveloped minds, or lose faith in relationships and go for casual sex.

Why do human beings need a partner when we know that we are happier alone without having to be obligated to anyone or deal with others’ emotions? Boredom and loneliness seems to be a driving force.

I ponder more and wondered if I would become one of many Singaporeans (mostly men) who go overseas to find themselves a partner. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought I have not totally lost it in the looks department yet. So why would I do it?

Nevertheless, the trip awakened the troubadour in me. I want to just spend a lot of time living, hanging out and writing at backpackers’ enclaves in places like Khao San in Thailand or De Tham in Saigon. Also to learn their languages. Fling or no fling with sweet young things, will just be another experience in life for me.