Take back the Night

From : movetheclouds

When I first expressed intent to write about women assaulting women, I faced much objection from the community. I have been told point blank that this either does not exist, or does not happen often enough to be pertinent even after I shared my stories of various degrees of same sex abuse.

The few who do acknowledge this issue exists are afraid to voice it out under the flimsy excuse that the community is not ready.  To this, I say that there is never a good time to address thorny issues like these.  I am also told that it might give others the impression that lesbian relationships are dysfunctional.  Going by the same logic, are heterosexual pairings not equally screwed up, given the amount of media attention dedicated to men assaulting women?

Coming up with this article is not easy at all.  However, I believe that this issue needs to be brought out into the open.  By sweeping it under the carpet, we are revictimising those who have experienced some form of female assault, driving them further into their closets of repressed fear, guilt and shame.

It is astounding how many of us, while acutely aware of the various ways men can assault women, adamantly refuse to accept that women too are capable of abuse.  We are brought up in a patriachal society that expects women to be docile, passive and incapable of abuse, and as much as we claim to be liberated from traditional gender roles, we are still uncomfortable with anything other than the male-perpetrator female-victim stereotype.

Abuse have always been underreported due to the stigma and victim blaming.  While women abused by men are gradually coming forward to get help, the same cannot be said for women who are abused by women.  It is heartbreaking that the victims not only have to go through the trauma of being abused, but have to justify the validity of their agony to the rest of the world.

On numerous occasions, both males and females have hit on me, sometimes way past my comfort zone.  If a man had dared pass lewd comments or brush up against me accidentally, anyone who witnessed it would immediately fly into a righteous rage at the culprit, sympathize with my situation and offer to support me if i decide to take further action.  However, when a woman put her hand up my skirt or grope at my breasts, bystanders actually start cheering and egging her on when I am obviously cringing.

Enraged, I call my friends – who simply laughed it off or chided me for kicking up an unneccessary fuss.  More than once, I have even been criticised for inviting the attention by dressing revealingly or by simply being open-minded about my preferences.

This blatant hypocrisy, to say the least, is extremely disheartening, especially when they come from soi disant feminists or LGBT activists who should not use ignorance as a cover-up for fear.

It also bothers me that women often do not know when they are being abused, especially if there is no physical violence or outright rape.  We should return to the fundamentals.  It does not matter whether your perpetrator is male or female.  The same rules apply.  Anytime your wishes and boundaries are not respected, you have every right to take action against the violation.

Please educate yourself, your loved ones and if you can – or care enough to – the larger community.

Speak up against this violence.

No pity.  No shame.  No silence.