News and Opinions

Negotiating my “bisexuality”

on . Posted in Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity/Expression.

A friend said to me…

“Anj, you are bisexual.”

He thinks i can swing both ways because of my past.
I once thought i was bisexual- judging from past behavior, i can be with a member of the opposite gender.
The thought lingered until i saw a more comprehensive definition of sexuality.

It’s here, in an article written quite a while back. “Preferred sexual activity” and “Preferred characteristics of sexual partners” said it all for me. I prefer women. It’s clear as day. My obsession for androgynous faces aside (which can include both genders), the most defining aspect of my sexuality is the distinct preference for female body parts. In fact, going by this definition, i can say with absolute confidence that i find the male physique unattractive. The bods in magazines, TV, everyday men… i have seen them all. The male body allures me at zilch point.

Dangle your average naked woman and average naked man before me, you will see my feet tapping steadily towards the babe.

“If you are lesbian, how can you be with guys?”

Because a relationship is not just about sex.
It’s about emotional connection as well. If i can communicate at a high frequency with a guy, spending time in his presence in myriad shared activities (e.g. movies, meals) is not unpleasant.

As i told many of my dear friends… i don’t see a difference between women and men beyond the physical. In my interactions with gals and guys, they are similar to me. [A reason why i cannot fathom male and female "energies".] The level of comfort is equal. The amount they offer in a conversation depends not on gender, but on their internal substance. You can see the same spirit or level of intellect or amount of passion… in a person, regardless of gender. As long as we don’t get into bed, i am happy interacting with both genders.

“Since you can be straight, why don’t you be straight?”

I cannot be straight.
I can force myself to behave sexually-straight at gun-point.
However, the sexual aspect of a relationship is fundamental to relationship health. As such, my preferred sexual characteristics of sexual partner is crucial to my well-being over the long term.

Thus the question is: Why should i act straight?
Why put on a facade for something that is so fundamental to my well-being… when it doesn’t hurt any other soul?

Anj is lesbian.


# Irene Oh 2010-02-01 21:17

Irene Oh said,

September 5, 2007 at 2:43 pm

You have totally spoken my mind.

The biggest difference between men and women is biological. I can be attracted to men, but I don’t identify as bisexual. The reason is the same as yours. :)
# Goran 2010-02-01 21:17

Goran said,

September 5, 2007 at 5:27 pm

Hi! I just stumbled onto this blog and have read through a few pages. Excellent work! In particular I find the idea of several people banding together to form an education and defense against people who don’t understand or choose to not understand very admirable though also frightening. Frightening in terms of it being needed at all, of course.

I particularly liked this article, explaining how “a relationship is not just about sex.” and other things. Seeing a point of view like this was very refreshing! Keep up the good work and be well!

p.s. And oh, if there is some sort of quorum on who visits the blog, I’m 19, male, straight.
# Eileen26 2010-02-01 21:18

Eileen26 said,

December 6, 2007 at 6:13 pm

According to my personal experience on i can confirm you are really bisexual. We all have the similar feelings
# AnJJ 2010-02-01 21:18

AnJ said,

December 10, 2007 at 1:25 pm

Sorry, couldn’t locate your definition anywhere on that site.

And if your experience is exactly like mine… According to my personal experience on this article (and the psychological definition), i can confirm you are really lesbian. ;)

Add comment

Security code

Sign up to receive announcements and updates