This article is written by a guest writer Bryan Choong.

Each time I talked to my friends and colleagues about the ongoing AWARE issue, they are puzzled why I have spoken with so much anger. There are a lot of women who are indifferent about the issues, and men who think this is a women’s problem. Some said that a new organisation can easily replace AWARE so why should we be so bothered by the new Exco and their non inclusive stand.

Being a gay person, I am sure many of my friends though that I am feeling so frustrated because the new Exco is anti gay and I felt threatened. Yes, the matter of fact is, I do. But let me explain why I am with the old guard. I should also clarify that I only joined as an associate member of AWARE recently but I have been very aware of what old AWARE represents. And it all started when I was 14 years old.

One night when I was 14 years old, I found myself sitting in the old New Bridge Road police station, waiting for my mother to complete her police statement. My mother has just been beaten by my father after months of verbal abuses. It was about 1am. There were no visible bruises and the policeman on duty told my mother that he could not do much to my father than to bring him down to the station and give him a verbal warning. Unless, in his own words, someone is visibly injured or dead. I was sitting next to my mother and listening to all these. My mother decided against the police going to our place to bring my father to the station. She feared that things would be worsened. For the rest of the night, my mother and myself sat outside the station. I was so worried that my mother would get a chill so I bought a cup of hot milo for her from the vending machine. That was the only thing this small built boy could do. I remember that cold night till today, that overwhelming helplessness of being a 14 years old boy who could not do anything to help his abused mother.

That was not the only time I felt that way. When I was 7 years old, after my father’s repeated beating, my mother left home without a single penny. Later she told me that she had to beg for a 10 cent from a stranger to call her sister for help. She was standing on the street with nothing except her clothes. In another occasion, I accompanied her to look for a place to stay when the abuse increased. We walked through the entire Joo Chiat area but nothing was affordable or safe enough for her to stay in. Hopeless and helpless, we went back home, which was increasingly more like a battlefield than a sanctuary. From that very young age, I learnt to be present at home whenever possible so that in case of a dangerous situation, I could shield her or do anything to protect her. Most of the time, I was disappointed that no one seemed to be able to render any assistance. I have to clarify here that my mother was not the soft asian woman you can imagine. However, she has gotten into a wrong marriage because she wanted to break away from my grandfather’s control. Unfortunately, in those days, you could walk away from your father but it was not so easy for you to walk away from your abusive husband. No one, apart from those who walked this journey before, will understand how vulnerable we felt.

The first sign of hope came when NMP Dr Kanwaljit Soin pushed for the amendment of Women Charter in 1997. I was so excited that I borrowed a copy of the Women Charter publication from the National Library and read it to my mother. We finally knew and got our rights. I watched the debate in the Parliament when NMP Soin spoke and I swear to the god that she is the only female MP whose face and name I could remember till now.

Finally, with the new Women Charter in place and the family court more empowered to do more for domestic violences, my mother decided to end the marriage when my father hit her for the last time and a Personal Protection Order was issued. Despite of the PPO, my mother’s lawyer, Ms Ellen Lee, now MP for Sembawang GRC tried so hard to ensure our safety during the divorce proceeding. She even allowed us to use her office address in Beach Road as a correspondence address so that our actual place of residence would not be exposed.

After a long legal battle, we got our lives back, leaving the years of living in constant fear and abuses behind. I regained my trust that there is justice in this world and women and children should be protected against any wrongful acts by their male family members. What Dr Soin and AWARE probably would not know is that their fight for women rights have changed the life of a boy who they never know.

I cannot tolerate the new Exco’s attempt to deny the good works by these women and AWARE. And I cannot trust them when the church they belonged to, openly stated that 'the wife is in subjection to her husband' and 'women [are] to continually deny themselves and yield the rule to men'. This statement alone makes me feel so sick, the same sick feeling I had when the policeman told me that he could not do anything.

In Singapore we are so used to take a neutral stand on everything, until it affects you. I know exactly how that feels. For you who has the right to cast your vote and decide not to do anything at all, you might regret it when you need it.

Editor’s Note: Please visit www.we-are-aware.sg for news and updates, and information on how you can help.

But first, we would like to remind all AWARE members that the EOGM on 2nd May will be held at SINGAPORE EXPO HALL 2. Official notices from AWARE states that Registration will begin at 12noon, EGM at 2p.m. Bring your NRIC for admission. Please check SAVE AWARE for the latest news.

Press Conference by the Old Guard

24th April 2009

We are glad that the truth is finally out. What happened at AWARE AGM on 28 March was a planned takeover by a group of women, guided by their ‘feminist mentor’ Dr Thio Su Mien, who have taken it upon themselves to, as they put it, ‘bring AWARE back to its original, very noble, objective’.

The issue is not whether AWARE has indeed strayed from its original aims. What is really at stake is the space for a diversity of views in our cosmopolitan and pluralistic society. Singapore is a multiracial, mulitreligious and multicultural society. As we progress, the diversity will grow. We have to be able to co-exist, to live with differing views on many issues.

What has happened at AWARE is a threat to Singapore’s pluralistic society. A ‘feminist mentor’ takes exception to some of AWARE’s programmes, decides to monitor the organisation’s activities, and then encourages women she knows to challenge AWARE; they could have invited AWARE to a seminar to discuss the programmes; they could have written to the media.

Instead, these women joined AWARE in the few months before the AGM and then voted their representatives onto the Executive Committee ‘ without giving any indication that they were acting together. They continued with this stance until Thursday when they finally told the truth.

The cannot be the way forward for Singapore. We cannot have people acting like moral vigilantes running around and taking over established organisations. If Dr Thio and her mentees feel that AWARE has strayed from its original aims, or that some of the programmes are unsuitable, then go ahead and criticize AWARE, but do so openly.

Better still, form their own organization to offer parallel programmes with what they see as the right messages, and let the public choose which they prefer. Their motives and actions will then be visible to all. There will be transparency and accountability.

Video of press conference

Originally published on the Glass Castle – written by Jolene

The new AWARE Exco have completely lost the plot. Two events they organised last night are of note. First, they had the locks on AWARE’s office changed, summarily firing staff and disrupting the use of the centre as a space for counselling abused women (emphases mine):

Dana Lam, former AWARE president, said: “I walked in and there were three burly men sitting at the counter. It’s not something we encounter at AWARE because it’s a women’s centre and we are giving counselling sessions to women who have been abused.

“The men have apparently been instructed by the president to change the lock in the centre. There is a vote of no-confidence going on here. By right, they have no right to make any changes. I am worried for my materials- 25 years of research material, including confidential material.”

Did the new Exco make any alternative provision for abused women who might have been seeking, or relying on the services, provided at AWARE? Who knows? Did they even care?

Other things were probably on their mind, as they also spoke at a news conference, the second event of note. On the same evening that services to abused women were being disrupted on their order, you see, they spoke of restoring AWARE to “its original noble cause” (emphases mine):

The new exco said AWARE had become a single purpose organisation overly concerned with promoting lesbianism.

They repeatedly raised examples, like how the old guard had backed a lesbian film screening in 2007 and organised a lesbian-friendly Mother’s Day event in 2006. And they wanted to bring the association back to what they say is its original noble cause.

Let me get this straight (being straight is important, you see). A few days ago, Josie Lau told us on television that the reason she wanted to take control of AWARE was because it had become too “diversified” and needs more “focus”. But now the problem, the reason justifying the takeover, is that AWARE should be stopped from becoming a “single-purpose organisation”. Just taking both their statements at face value is making my brain hurt.

Facing a problem with your life, your sexuality, relationship, family et cetera? Write in to our advice columnist, Ling, with your problem. All emails are confidential and your anonymity will be preserved.

Dear Ling

I am in my mid-20s and have been heterosexual, or so I believe.

Recently, I took up a course and my teacher is a female. I wasn’t attracted to her initially, but over time, as I attended more lessons, I felt something. I like to chat with her, I like the way she laughs and smiles, I like her mannerisms. She is a sporty and tanned woman who is older than me by a few years. She has short hair and behaves quite like a tomboy.

We chat a lot during lessons, so over time, we got to know each other better. Both of us are pretty open so we chat about almost everything under the sun, from pets to family. She also gave me her number so that whenever I have queries about the course, I can text her and she would always reply. Sometimes we would make small talk over SMS as well.

During one of our chats, I decided to find out if she was attached. She paused for quite a while before telling me that she doesn’t intend to get married. She said that she prefers a carefree lifestyle and gave me a bunch of reasons why she was not suited to marriage life. At the end of the day, I failed to derive an answer and so am still unsure if she’s straight or gay.

Are there any tell-tale signs/ traits that would indicate to me that she’s not straight? Would I be able to hint to her about my feelings?

I’m also concerned that I may be barking up the wrong tree and offend her if I make any wrong assumptions. It would then affect our student-teacher relationship, which I do not hope to encroach. I still wish to complete the course under her guidance and supervision.

Confused Student

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