Just some thoughts on what I did on Mothers’ Day this year.

I normally have lunch every Sunday with my uncle and aunt. Usually it is just the three of us (since my grandfather passed away, my cousin went to study in Sydney and my sister moved to Malaysia). On Mothers’ Day my aunt and her siblings were doing a big family lunch with their mum, and they invited me to join them. My partner was not invited, because I am only out to my aunt and uncle (not to her extended family), and also because they still think it is wrong and they disapprove.

So lunch was at a lovely Thai restaurant and the food was delicious. It was all very “decent” and “civilised”, by which I mean that there was no mention of my partner. But of course how could there have been when the majority of the company do not know about us.

I think that being in the closet is both an active and passive thing. It is like walking a tightrope, a delicate balancing act. It is like sitting on one of those large rubber balls supposed to strengthen your core muscles; your aim may be to remain perfectly still but you are expending lots of energy just to maintain your balance on the bouncy sphere.

That is how I feel when I am with company that I am not out to. I feel as if I am always on guard, holding my breath in case they ask me the dreaded “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”, double-filtering all my words before they come out of my mouth, and other fun varieties of mental Solitaire.

So let’s move on to dinner on Mothers’ Day. My partner was planning to bring her parents out for dinner, and she suggested I join them. My relationship with them is cordial, at most. The main reason for this is the language barrier. Secondary reason is that my partner and I mostly hang out at my place, so I haven’t met her parents very frequently. However those times that we have met, they have been friendly and kind towards me. We also think that they do realise that we have some kind of relationship going on, even though my partner has never actually talked to them about anything gay-related.

Dinner was at a very crowded eating-house nearby. They managed to get a table while I was parking the car. Food was also very good. Conversation was pretty mundane, the superficial type of chatter that you can have with people whom you don’t know well, in a language which you failed in school.

But throughout dinner, it did not feel awkward at all (aside from the awkwardness of my Chinese). I felt welcome and accepted. It was not strained, forced or contrived. My partner’s parents seemed to be quite happy, acting normally and enjoying the food. I was happy.

The contrast struck me as interesting.

Lunch with my aunt and uncle (who I am out to) and her family. I felt like I was hiding, and trying to be someone whom I’m not.

Dinner with my partner’s family. We have never actually declared to them that we are in a relationship, but from what they can figure out, I am the only Girl-Friend who is brought home. Many dissimilarities between me and them in terms of background, language etc. But I felt safe and welcome.

Disclaimer: I am aware that there may be many reasons and contributing factors to explain why the lunch and dinner turned out so differently. However, if I start all the conjecture and hypothesis, I would be perhaps-ing and on-the-other-hand-ing until the cows come home and no closer to a concrete answer. Thus I have chosen to focus on the way that that day made me feel, because my feelings cannot be reasoned away.

Over coffee, T asked, “Aren’t you worried that signing the petition and open letter for the repeal 377A campaign, would get you into trouble? After all, your home address has to be written down so that your signature is validated’ and the government could easily trace you.”

I replied, “I did think of that when George Hwang approached me to hand-sign the petition’. For once, in the period of being totally out to my family members and friends, having no qualms discussing my sexual preferences, openly engaging in public display of affections with my partner, I actually found myself hesitating to disclose my sexuality on a dead piece of paper’. Holding the pen, wild and random thoughts raced through my mind: like, i am a teacher and i know that MOE runs on an archaic system of ‘values’ shaped predominantly by the homophobic population’. What if my career is jeopardized?? Would I be blacklisted in the government sector??”

Let me refer to the article by Detenber et al (2007). The famous article used to support the retention of 377A.
Reference:
Detenber, B. H., Genite, M., Ku, M. K. Y., Ong, C. P. L., Tong, H. Y., & Yeow, M. L. H. (2007). Singaporeans’ attitudes towards lesbians and gay men and their tolerance of media portrayals of homosexuality. Internal journal of public opinion, 19(3), 367-379.

The anti-repeal camp jumped upon this statement made in opening statement of the conclusion segment: “Overall, this study found that most Singaporeans hold negative attitudes toward lesbians and gay men, and are rather intolerant towards media portrayals of homosexuality.” (Page 373).

What the researchers did: they called up Singaporean citizens over a period of 5 days and conducted interviews. They found that 68.6% of the participants expressed negative attitudes.

Here’s the break-down of predictors for negative attitudes:
1. Religion: Specifically Christians and Muslims were found to be least tolerant among Buddhists and free-thinkers.
2. Age: Older people are less tolerant.
3. Educational level: More educated people are more tolerant.

Inspired by the likes of Thio Li-Ann and a commentor only known as Seowteochew. A shorter version was first posted here.

I’m going to let you guys in on a secret: all the rumours about the Gay Agenda are absolutely true. Every last word. In my hands I have the Masterplan of the Gay Community, otherwise known as Gaytopia 2050, hardcopy edition. I’ve obtained these plans from the headquarters of Homopolis, located somewhere in between the end of the rainbow and the pot of gold. It wasn’t easy sneaking it out, as I had to get past a couple of flamboyant queens who insisted on giving me makeup tips, and a whole army of dancing gay men who wouldn’t let me pass until I Flaunted it. And then there was the perilous trip across the oily and slippery room of diesel dykes, and the final barrier: walking through the Hall of Decadence.

Before the queens in high heels descend on me with their featherboas, I am going to give you all a sneakpeak in to the Masterplan, planned to the second, till 2050.

Top Ten Goals to be achieved by 2050

1. Outlaw straight sex – heterosexuality is an affront to our morals and repugnant to a small minority of society who insists on stripping other people of their rights in order to feel good about themselves, even though their rights are not affected.
2. Outlaw straight marriage – straight people will destroy the institution of marriage with their rising divorce rates, partner abuse, adultery, exploitation of children, sexual violence against women and children [what if fathers rape their daughters?!]. It is not safe for our children to grow up in a stable two-parent household, even though they are loving and caring, because it is inherently bad for them to have parents of different sexes. There are no studies to prove this, but it is true because we say so!
3. Anyone who admits he or she is straight will be discharged from the army, and made ineligible to donate blood. Even though, really, orientation has nothing do with either of these things, but who cares?
4. Encourage a culture of intolerance, where parents disown straight children if they ever come out to you. It is always shameful when your child grows up to be a healthy productive individual in society but isn’t fucking whom you want him to fuck. If technology is advanced enough, find the straight gene and abort straight foetuses before birth. Better yet, manipulate their genes in-utero.
5. Make it compulsory to dismiss straight individuals in high-ranking positions in the government and MNCs, because apparently the thought of them fucking someone of the opposite sex is too much to bear for the people who interact with them or work under them.
6. Dismiss straight teachers – they might prey on the children!
7. Make life hell for straight activists. Monitor their activities, and ban their events, especially if they involve picnics, a run, or an exhibition.
8. Slap R21 ratings on movies which dare to suggest that straight people are happy and normal too. Or ban them completely. Tell the media they are not supposed to print or show anything which “celebrates” heterosexuality.
9. Send straight people into rehabilitation camps, where they will learn to renounce their abnormal heterosexual tendencies and learn to love people of the same sex, the way they were always intended to. Who cares if this damages them for life? The important thing is that we dictate whom people are allowed to love.
10. Allow straight people to live in peace provided that they do nothing to reclaim the rights they are entitled to, so that we can get their money.

Top Five Ways to Impose our “Culture” on everyone else

1. Outlaw croc shoes – no one should be wearing that horrible excuse for footwear, which look more like pieces of Hannibal’s mask cut and dyed.
2. Make gym membership compulsory for all men upon reaching the age of 18. National Service just doesn’t cut it, in keeping our men fit! Plus there is no danger of mosquito bites in a gym.
3. Make it compulsory for all kids to learn Madonna songs by heart from primary 3 onwards.
4. Force employers to give emergency paid leave based on “my-girlfriend’s-ex-threw-a-drink-in-her-face-at-a-bar-its-all-lesbian-drama-gotta-go”.
5. Make U-hauls compulsory – no couples shall date for more than 3 days before getting into a relationship and moving in.

Oh no the queens are knocking on the door… I have to run!