I am sure by now you would have gotten a whiff of the NYP girl video- if not the video, at least the knowledge of it. It is circulating like a forest fire on a warm summer night. (And just today, my friend told me that her NS boyfriend will be getting the clip from another guy friend… and they will all watch the clip together. Apparently the excitement is still very much alive.)

A male blogger: “… should we sympathise with Tammy? … Seriously, why should we? No decent girl will film their sexual acts for whatever purpose, unless her ambition since young is to be the Porn Idol. Likewise you do not transit in Sillypore with 10kg of drugs and when caught, claim innocence.”

It is not the point here that the transgressor is the thief, who not only stole the mobile (crime 1) but also bore sufficient malice to expose and circulate it (crime 2- invasion of privacy and personal space)… It is not the point that the transgression here is NOT the two of them having sex (How can it be akin to drugs possession? I am completely baffled by his logic. The illegal age for sexual intercourse is under 16, is it not?)… It is also not the point that a girl performing oral on her boyfriend is unlikely to have free hands to film herself doing it at the same time (Yes, i am saying that the male did the recording for that scene).

The point here is: How is the video viewed?
BOTH the guy and the girl had their faces exposed in the clip… however, the attention is really skewed. The male’s part in this (and i assure you it’s no small part given that it takes TWO to have sex) was conveniently effaced. Why?

The prevalant attitude endorsed by many is the culprit: It is axiomatic that men are naturally more sexual; it’s their genes- Men are helpless and controlled by their raging hormones! Women? Women are supposed to be asexual creatures; if they are sexual, it’s immoral.

Are you seeking to “repair” yourself?

Check out the profile of potential reparative therapy seekers… They look like a bunch of self-hating, guilt-striken and confused lot- is that you?

PROFILE:

A. Intrinsic religious orientation

Your religion is the centre of your life and your religion condemns homosexuality.

Major reasons surrounding religion for seeking reparative therapy includes:
1. Religious guilt *thanks to preachers who are prigs*
2. Rejection by the church community *You don’t need people who don’t love you as you are.*
3. Fear of eternal condemnation *roll eyes*

B. Lack of quest orientation

“Quest” is the search for ‘truth’. People with this quality keep seeking answers to contradictions raised by what they see. They are open to uncertainty and doubt. So, if you accept the interpretations that your organization as the ultimate truth… and you do not like to bother about resolving contradictions… chances are you will seek “repair”.

C. Low levels of identity development

This consists of both self-identity formation and group-membership identity formation. Self-identity formation is “coming out to yourself” as we know it. And group membership formation is feeling a sense of belonging to the gay community- people who label themselves “lesbian” and “gay”.

This consists of both self-identity formation and group-membership identity formation. Self-identity formation is “coming out to yourself” as we know it. And group membership formation is feeling a sense of belonging to the gay community- people who label themselves “lesbian” and “gay”.Those who are in the early stages of identity developement may experience intense feelings, such as confusion, anger and guilt, which arose from a homophobic society. They are most likely to seek reparative therapy whereas gay people who are in the later stages of identity development do not seek reparative therapy.

D. Internalized homonegativity

Higher levels of internalized homonegativity is correlated with lower levels of identity development. Such gay people tend to view gay culture negatively i.e. believing homophobic media messages. In fact, internalized homonegativity is the main reason why homosexuals seek reparative/conversion therapy.

Higher levels of internalized homonegativity is correlated with lower levels of identity development. Such gay people tend to view gay culture negatively i.e. believing homophobic media messages. In fact, internalized homonegativity is the main reason why homosexuals seek reparative/conversion therapy.

And here is the most interesting bit: Those who are homophobic (straight people who discriminate against homosexuals) have the exact SAME profile on the above characteristics. They are also low on identity development. For someone who has a mature development, he/she would be respectful of orientation-differences. Coz it entails not just acceptance, but understanding.

I am often faced with this question from my girlfriends: Am I straight because I am with you? One was even a medical student.

I am not sure what to answer. I have curves that rival most women but I feel strange saying that I am 100% woman.

I have ovaries, but no womb: so no kids for me. I am not complaining. But how do you explain to girlfriend that you have fleeting feelings about your phantom body parts, cut off before you were even aware of its existence?

“Easier for the doctors to make a hole than to make a pole”. That’s what I was told.

In the Indian culture , someone like me is respected and honored because it is said that, my words, whether curses or blessings, being from someone straddling both genders, will come true. But, that is fear, not understanding.

I am not angry. I am just tired. Tired of being used to all this stuff happening, just because I understand how others don’t understand. I wish people around me could accept both parts of me: in a shaved head, packing, male looking body as well as a sari clad jewellery wearing one.

I am both and neither. Neither here, nor there.
I am not whining. Just hoping that my words will make you think, wonder and try to gain the answers.

That I can wake up every morning and look myself in the mirror, without fear, without questioning, without wondering if the person I see is the person I really am. Yes, I am a lesbian. And somehow, that word does not scare me anymore. Once you take the first step of self-acceptance, everything else will come in time. It’s as though a veil has been lifted from your eyes and for the first time, you are truly ‘seeing’ and understanding all that has been going on in your head.

How many people can actually say that they have done some soul-searching? And at such a young age. Are they forced to do it, like how queer people are, by our homophobic circumstances? The day I looked within the depths of myself, and questioned everything that society and mainstream religion argued for’ the day I questioned the norms, types of accepted behaviour and everything else in between, was the day I found liberation, and more importantly’ I learned how to think for myself.

I am no more a conforming product of society. I am who I choose to be.

Less than six months after I first discovered myself, I came out to a group of friends. Then I began counting the number of people who knew. Every person who knew was another milestone in my life, another person whom I’ve invited inside myself to truly know me as a person and not the straight persona you see.

But being gay still wasn’t easy. Especially if you don’t have any gay friends to confide in, and your straight friends (even though they are accepting) can never truly understand what you’re going through. Thus, I decided to find people like me.