Feelin' Good, a party organised by gay and lesbian media and events company Fridae, has been cancelled after the venue, Ministry of Sound, received a telephone call from local police on Friday evening demanding that they cease venue provision for the event.

According to Mr. Clement Lee, executive director of Ministry of Sound's parent company LifeBrandz, Mr Kelvin Yeo, Compliance Management Officer from Tanglin Police called on Friday evening after office hours demanding that the club cancel the event, failing which enforcement officers would come to the club on Sunday to shut the party down. The reason given by the police to Mr. Lee over the telephone was that the party would 'promote gay activities'.

Whilst Singapore laws prohibit gay sex, there are no laws against being gay. As recently as 2003, then Prime Minister Goh Chok Tong was interviewed in Time Magazine about the Singapore government's non-discrimination policy for employment in the civil service, and was quoted saying gays are 'just like you and me'.

'Ugh. Straight men!'

Sounds familiar? Of course it does: many of us would have said in the past, in the same tone we denounce religious bigots or a particularly distasteful barbarian tribe. Men are our enemies, men are our arch nemesis, out to steal our girlfriends and exploit us through pornography. Men are clueless idiots who have no idea how to please a girl [and of course, you can do it so much better, can't you?] and only think of their penises. Men think that lesbianism is a phase and that lesbians just haven't met the right man.

Of course, sadly, many of these stereotypes are true. But not always. I came out with the help of a STRAIGHT male friend, who had absolutely no problems with me being gay. It is fair to say without him, I wouldn't be here typing this, because I'd be deep in my closet.

Rationally, any one would know that not all men are male chauvinist homophobes. Sadly, though, many lesbians continue to persist in their misoandric ways, though irrational. We lambast gay men for being misogynistic, but what about our own prejudices? How many times have we derided penises, the way gay men deride vagina?

It was last Thursday. I had tea with my aunt’s ex-gay friend. Actually I had met her once before, so when we met this time, we just started by chatting about things in general. We talked about bars and clubs, because she is a musician and has been playing in nightspots her whole professional life. (This was some hip 47-year-old, OK!)

The conversation was very informal and friendly all the time. Mostly she was just sharing about her past and telling me about her experiences. She was not offensive or patronising or condescending. She didn’t say “If I can change and be straight, you can and must do it too”. I think I was just (as usual) preparing myself for the worst. Having never met anyone who hails from the ex-gay camp (pun intended), I half expected this lady to be a Bible-thumping, verse-spewing, self-righteous, re-virginised prude who would stare down at me from atop her high horse.

But she actually seemed quite normal. Her stand is that though homosexuality is wrong, maybe it is just part of my journey. Maybe it is just a phase that I have to go through to experience something or other. (I’m fine with that. People are allowed to draw whatever conclusions they wish, as long as they are not offensive, or trying to force me to believe what they believe.)

I’m relieved that she did relate to me with respect and I also appreciate that she did not try to force me to want to change. In a way, I am glad that she did take the time to talk to me. Because she was just talking in a normal, non-threatening manner, it did feel like just a friendly relaxed chat. And I was able to be myself, be authentic in my responses to her, and when sharing about myself too.

super models
cover girls
porn stars and strippers
sex appeal, superficial beauty
little girl wake up and see
you’re nothing if you don’t grow up to look like Barbie
the modern symbol of femininity
ladies: starve your body
feed your anxiety
we recieve those messages
too loud and clear
liposuction and boob jobs
suck it in, stick ‘em out
give in to envy and self doubt
spend your life savings on cosmetic surgery
paint yourself unrecognizable
make sure you glow
from head to toe
your health is always compromisable
nail polish, lipstick
try this beauty trick
make up, miracle creams
try to be the woman of men’s dreams
make sure your teeth are perfect
or you’ll never be able to forget
that you aren’t good enough
and you aren’t made of the right stuff
keep trying to look like her
see how much abuse your body can endure
for the sake of superficial beauty
desire isn’t blind
so you can’t have peace of mind
you’re repulsive compared to the woman over there
so lose weight, put make up on, dye your hair
so says the mirror on my wall
so many products, I’ve tried them all
and still there’s no getting away
from the pressure of looking attractive today
this is how women are made to feel
society has a wound that will never heal