Lost about the complex dynamics of lesbian relationships? Need some guidance? Let Pleinelune, the resident satirist, help you.

1. Thou shalt date your friends

2. Thou shalt either have deep, intimate but sexless relationships with your exes, or never ever talk to them again.

3. Thou shalt get down on your knees and prostrate everytime Leisha Hailey appears on TV.

4. Thou shalt talk about girls at every opportunity with your friends.

5. Thou shalt not date someone with the same hair

7. Thou shalt bring a U-haul to second date

6. Thou shalt bring a turkey baster to third date

8. Thou shalt just talk about feelings with your partner and take showers, all the time.

9. Thou shalt merge with your partner, in terms of clothing, hair, mindset and everything else, over the years, so much so that you look like twins.

10. Thou shalt have lesbian bed death no later than 5 years into the relationship

If Thou have not fulfilled all of these ten commandments, thou art a bad lesbian, and thou shalt not attain lesbian heaven, filled with beautiful girls, and thou shalt be thrown into hell filled with ugly straight men.

I’m dreadful when it comes to remembering people’s names, especially Chinese ones. But I have a better memory for the conversations which I have, especially if the conversation is memorable because it is witty, engaging, enlightening or even downright annoying.

One conversation which has stayed in my mind is the one I had with a another lesbian when I was first coming out, and she eventually became a good friend. She was sharing her experiences about living as a lesbian in Malaysia with me and during that conversation she mentioned,

“Gay people can be very homophobic because of their internalised homophobia.”

Being unfamiliar with gay issues at that time, that statement came as a surprise to me. After all, I thought, how can we be the very thing which we detest in others? It is easy to point the finger to another group and say, “They are responsible for the injustices brought against me.” It is quite another thing to look inside oneself and realize that the same elements of prejudice may indeed exist inside oneself.

What is internalized homophobia? My friend explained that it happens when a gay person feels that being homosexual is wrong or immoral. In other words, internal homophobia arises when a gay person is unable to accept and love her/himself as a homosexual. We are bombarded everyday by hetero-centric themes, images and stories, so much so that it has become a hardwired notion in most of us that being heterosexual is the only way to be. Anyone who doesn’t fit into the heterosexual mold is considered to be deviant or going against nature. It can be very difficult to overcome these deeply ingrained beliefs.

Internalised homophobia has much to do with being in the closet. I was in the closet for 15 years and during that time, I kept denying that I wasn’t gay, because being gay was not “normal” and being not normal was too frightening to contemplate.

Much as I tried to suppress it or run away from it, these feelings of my strong attraction towards women kept coming back but I kept telling myself that I wasn’t gay. How did my internalized homophobia manifest itself? Here’re a couple of examples:

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Dear homophobe:

I used to get angry for extensive periods when you cross my path. But these days, after a few encounters, i realized… many homophobes sing the same old song.

Like a broken record.

Your Profile, Persistent Homophobe:
1. Ignorant of homosexuality and the literature behind it.
2. If not ignorant, out to twist results of studies done.
3. Weak arguments- unable to substantiate why homosexuality is “wrong”.
4. Generalization of stereotypes.

There is a well of information that you can draw from, from this site, from the forums, to try understanding our community.

But you chose not to.
No no, you rather wallow in your ignorance and familiar ground. People like you cannot think out of the box you were born in… You are stuck.

And you love being stuck!
Because if you ever know us as people, you would be astounded by how human we are… and yet how strong we are.

That is a defeat you cannot swallow.

You don’t want to believe that we can be happy. You want us subjugated and converted. Perhaps you want us eliminated from the surface of this earth.
And you would do anything in your power to achieve your means- which is to try to steal, kill and destroy.

You TRY to:
Steal our happiness.
Kill the depressed among us with religious judgment.
Destroy the peace-loving image we have- which indeed we are.

But guess what…?

You ain’t gonna win.