Love is like a drug. Isn’t it?

You inhale the vapours. It makes you high for a while. Then you start tumbling and falling back down. Crashing into hard, solid reality. It seems like love always ends in hurt. One relationship after another. A never-ending cycle of temporary happiness.

False joy.

The recent hoo-haa surrounding MM Lee’s statements on homosexuality has ruffled my feathers and poked at the idealist in me. It was heartening to see so many others rise up and stand up for who they are, by writing into forums, newspapers to defend themselves and others.

It’s for the future, or so we say.

We spend our time and effort and our brain cells into mounting a suitable defense against the homophobes, against the naysayers. Furiously spending hours crafting that perfect rebuttal, hoping, with whatever slim chance there is’ that it’ll be published in the papers.

But is it enough?

The wise old man has spoken, and pearls have come out of his mouth. One pearl had F1 race written boldly on it, and another had a rainbow sheen. Just a sheen, a trick of the light upon the smooth surface.

Minister Mentor Lee has, surprisingly, given his stamp of approval for the decriminalisation of homosexual sex in Singapore. Following this widely-publicised interview, Reuters questioned him further on his change of heart. As to the motivations of his statement, it is painfully clear that it is bourne out of economic sense than any amount of sympathy towards human rights.

 

Those who remember the furore over the penal code some months ago will understand the relevance of his comments. The bill has not gone through a parliamentary reading yet, and at this point, public debate is important if we are to change any minds. MM Lee's comments have indeed sparked a public debate. The Straits Times Forum page is evidence enough of this.

 

I had the chance to pass by a certain glass panel in a door and saw this frail old man, head bent, in his scratchy blue hospital outfit, hunched over in the chair. His masculine daughter towered above him, in a motion as if to embrace and comfort.

It was a fleeting poignant picture- it wouldn’t have been polite to linger.

What i came to learn after grieved me a lot more.

He told his daughter this:
He’s sorry that she turned out the way she did (lesbian), attributing lesbianism to the way he neglected her in her childhood.

This is a real twist of an already warped theory. The original crap-theory said that effeminate men are made because of an absent father- neglect- and hence they attach themselves to their mothers. Since mothers are feminine, these men turn out feminine. So, adapting this to females, there should be an absent mother, not an absent father. Hence, without a feminine mother to follow, she emulated her masculine father. Makes sense right?

What bothers me most is the self-condemnation that parents put themselves through for the sexual orientation of their children. Condemnation kills! It eats away at their bodies. Somehow, somewhere, someone has got to tell them that sexuality is not something that can be manipulated. [Remember what sexuality entails- it’s comprehensively includes behavior and thought processes.] Just because one of your kids is gay (if you have many children, it’s unlikely that all are gay), it doesn’t mean it is because of incompetent parenting.

Incompetent parenting does not give you gay kids.
Competent parenting does not give you straight kids.

Incompetent parenting predispose your children to other risks- if they have no other resources. Which is rarely the case. The importance of a supportive external family or a close network of neighbours and friends, which most children have, cannot be undermined. How many of us had our lives impacted by the wise words of a teacher, an elder, the Aunt who lives down the corridor etc?

Stop putting heavy heaVY heAVY hEAVY HEAVY burdens on the shoulders of parents! [All you imbeciles of Crazy Religious Pharisees!]

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When i came out to my mother, she asked me, ‘Is it my fault? Is there something i did?’

I gave her a resounding no, offering academic perspectives to her. It’s time we move away from passe theories that are now studied in literature. It’s time we empower our parents and free them from all these inflictions of condemnation, which stems from a lack of access to resources.

Our parents deserve our protective love and affections.